Well, were to start? I am finally desperate enough to type in a google search asking if there is anyone willing to take a chance on me. I ended up here and after reading through so many of these posts, i don't feel so isolated and alone anymore.
I would like to share my story. Maybe there are some things out there I haven't thought about that others can suggest and in sharing, maybe I can help someone else.
My story is Simple, I got pregnant 34 years ago when I was a teen. I had to marry the man. This turned into a family of 6 boys and a very hateful husband. I lived two lives. I had my children to look out for. I went to work, I took care of the boys. I built us a life while my husband required nothing more than to know I was bringing in the money and keeping the fridge full of beer and the bank account growing.
In 2003 I was diagnosed with cancer. This left me unable to work for almost 2 years. during this time, the kids and I had to fall back on my savings, then onto my 401k. A good thing came out of it, the mean hateful guy decided I wasn't worth anything anymore and left me. At this time I had lost everything, my homke, our cars, everything, but we had each other. 4 of the kids were older, 3 out of the house and another in a few months. the younger two were eleven and 14.
I met a man in 2005 who became a great friend. He helped me keep my chin up during the worst of times. In 2007 we started dating. For me that was an extremely large move. I have trust issues and low self esteem. He was so loving and caring and sweet. He eventually asked me to marry him and I did.
In 2009 I found out he was having an affair, he was seeing her while I was at work. I worked 12 hour days. I probably would have never found out, but she called the house one night and had the nerve to ask "Would you mind if Jared and I went out for some drinks tonight? I just broke up with my boyfriend and Jared is so good at listening." I didn't answer so she continued on to ask if I would mind babysitting her 2 year old daughter. I was still speechless. At this point my husband realized I was sitting catching flys, staring at him and took the phone from me. Long story short, I left him. i wasn't going through that again.
I resigned from my job which I loved so much and moved out to MO from Boston. My son retired a disabled vet from the marines, and settled out there. The two younger boys and I ended up here.
Work here is scarce. We struggled off the tiny 401k I had built at my job, the older of the two graduated and went off to college.
My husband called and begged for a second chance. I was struggling so hard and not knowing anyone but my sons out here in such a remote area, I gave him that chance. He moved out here, and surprised me by bringing his mother along. We found a place they really liked. It was out in the country 45 miles from anything. My younger son asked to live in the city with his brother. Being 17 and on his last year of high school in the local college while taking his first year, I thought this would be better for him as well.
My life took a drastic turn here. for 9 months I was literally a prisoner in that home. I had to clean and cook for everyone. i didn't see people at all. Other than them
I could cry all day, but it's my fault, i took him back. On Valentines day this year, the "Loving " husband who worked in town 45 minutes away, came home early after stating he would be working late. He was in a very angry mood and started drinking. He and his mother were drinking buddies, so I just hid in our room with my cats. As the evening progressed, he became verbally abusive, then started taking pokes at me. Softly at first then really getting more painful. he is not a small man. 250 pounds versus my little size 8 body. I was beginning to feel the blows. He continued to drink and starting verbally getting extremely abusive, he said he was stood up on valentines day by some country hick bitch and the best had had to look forward to was me.
Shocked I started to cry now. My ex had taught me never to cry, I was strong in fighting off tears, but I started breaking down. All this time locked in this house, waiting on he and his mother hand and foot. My kids wouldn't call because she was so loud and abusive to them, I was so alone. He saw me crying and that was that. by the end of the night, his mother had had enough and called the police. The one that we had in the 15 square miles of 800 people. He came to take him to jail and she asked that they take me instead. "To protect me"
They did, I have never been back. I lost my photo albums with all my children pictures, my cats, my clothes everything I lost my life in there. My grandmothers things from 35 years before and just everything.
So I was in a shelter somewhere in south central Missouri. They called my children. My second oldest drove down from Kansas City and got me. he and his wife took me in while I get on my feet. but I cant get on my feet. i cant. I have looked for work in every single place in this town. I apply and bother them. Im a North easterner and that's a hurdle in its self with the area.
I have a part time job working 20 hours a week. I sleep in a laundry room. My son and his wife do what they can but they are struggling because she was laid off and they have 4 kids of their own.
I don't know anyone, I have no car. We are 1 hour north of Kansas city with no public transportation. I make less than $800 a month. I can't move I can't buy anything I can just help pay bills here and there. There is no full time work, well what there is the younger people are working. I am 50. I have been trying since Feb to get on my feet and I am not getting anywhere. I don't have anything, I don't have a cell phone I dont have a tv I don't have clothes except 4 pairs of pants from the shelter and 3 shirts. 2 pairs of underwear and 1 bra. 1 pair of shoes. I sit in a room and read day and night when I am not working. I work 19 hours a week and I love it. But Im so lost around people I feel so foreign. I don't know who i am. I cant go out to picnics or even shopping because I can't get around.
I feel like I'm just waiting to die. I don't live that's for sure. I can't I don't know how and who can with no income to do this.
I need someone who is willing to take a chance on a 50 year old washed up woman trying to start her life over without burdening anyone. That's all. A car so I can travel to the city and look for better work. Clothes to change into. Soap to wash them with. I'd love to feel good about myself, I just can't anymore. I can't. I once would have fought for my kids tooth and nail, but I can't even muster getting out of bed.
Please, just take a chance on me. I would love to help children with reading, or learning or elderly with company I would love to live again. I just need that break. I don't drink i don't smoke. I loved to garden to cook to have people over to visit and for dinner. I didn't liking hiding in a room ashamed, but I have nothing to be proud of.
Please, a junker car that runs, a little place to live, something to make me feel useful. with a car I can go help people with a place to live I am not in everyone's way taking up their space. Please.